Stupid Messages Sent to Me by the Morons of the Internet...
Please note that all messages printed here were sent to me by actual morons, if any of these morons is offended or feels slighted by the publication of their nonsense, well tough. --William
Saint Dogbert image copyright Scott Adams
The Current Champion of the Book of Morons
Eugenia Macer
I won't say a word, just follow the link and read...
October 24, 2001
From: "Travis Benge" zeron@cheatcc.com
I stumbled on to your site and i kept hearing things that has to so (do) with a game, what is this all about. Please tell me
My response:
"Ok, well fisrt you should try the large "MAIN PAGE" button at the bottom of every page, from there you might want to read the "What is Bureau 13" part. After that you are on your own..."
His response to that simple message:
I still dont get it is Bureal 13 real or is it a game .... i see things like "GM" and profile and game type stats.
My response:
"On the main page of the B13 site there is the line under the hit counter
"We extend special thanks to Richard Tucholka for creating the game we know
and love."
In the "What is Bureau 13" entry, at the bottom is the notation
"Reprinted with permission ©1992 by Richard Tucholka"
Last time I checked you can't copyright life.
In the guestbook are an assortment of entries praising the site for all the
material for use in the game.
At the bottom of the main page is the LEGAL NOTICE link which informs people
that everything is fictional or used in a fictional context.
Just below the notice is the notation "Selected For Prince Etrigan's Award
for Roleplaying/Gaming Website Excellence"
If you check the Bureau 13 webring you would see "This webring is designed
to link all pages on the web with material relating to the role-playing game
Bureau 13: Stalking the Night Fantastic"
Now keep in mind that I try to present the entries so they set a mood for
playing the game, I seperate the player information from the GM info (that GM
is the guy who runs the game and needs to know everything). Its best when
the site doesn't blatantly break the "fourth wall" but the signs are there,
you just have to look for them.
Annnnnnd his reply to that:
What kinda idiot makes a web site with out any information on what the heck it is about except for microscopic bits of
information here and there then u turn around diss every one because they havent heard of your lame game that knowone
in the world has ever heard of, u could at leat have some respect for the people that dont know what your site is about
because u anre to stupid to tell any where except at the very bottom and the "What Is Bureau 13?" tell absouutly nothing.....
just so u dont have "morons" mailing u all the time maby u schould fix it.
Wow, quite the little flamer isn't he? He should invest in a spell checker... My response to that little message:
You've got me wrong.
The thing is, the Bureau 13 site is for players of the game, the player base
is small, but loyal. Players and GM's for Bureau 13 love the site. the
biggest problem is that a lot people wander in via search engines and don't
take the time to look around, believe me I started the "Book of Morons" too
late, I had deleted dozens of hilarious emails from people accusing me of
slandering their towns, leaking private information (info concerning the
fictional characters), people wanting me to introduce them to characters in the game, ect. Heck I was even invited to a conference on
Bioeletography in St. Petersburg (Russia) based on some professor's
mistunderstanding about the site (I explained to him that I was flattered
but it was all a misunderstanding, my Kirlian Detectors were not real).
I have had people base high school papers on info they found on my site
(they send me emails asking about where they can find hardcopies for their
bibliographies) and one lady who claims to be an expert on the occult has
linked my site to the Joan Bennet Ramsey murders (I didn't do it officer I
swear) even after reading the disclaimer and the "Book of Morons" (she
thought they were a cover story). After a while I made choice to keep the theme of
the page intact and post a
single legal disclaimer for anyone who wandered in blindly. Sadly most
people flame first and look second, hence the creation of the book of morons
(keeping in mind that anything mailed or e-mailed to a person become their
property unless a copyright notice is enclosed).
Sorry you were disappointed that the site is fantasy, but such is life (Hey
at least we don't charge $9.99 a month for this fantasy). Oh and welcome the less-than-esteemed ranks of the Morons...
February, 2001
From: "Rosemary E Merckens" neilrose@juno.com
"Curious where you come by your material."
"Denote a few inaccuracies."
Sent the usual reply stating the site is dedicated to the Bureau 13 RPG, all persons events and places are fictional or used in a fictional context, yada,yada,blah blah...
This followed shortly after:
"You are correct that I did not understand the frivolity of your website. Unfortunately I do understand the christian solidity of
Lakeside-on-Lake-Erie, a chautauqua movement that has a solid reputation and works diligently to protect it.
May I recommend you adjust your reference to Lakeside, Ohio and use another state where any misunderstanding may not
engender a potential lawsuit? There are many 'Lakesides" in this nation.
Since your disclaimer says all persons and places are fictional, you are now apprised that "Lakeside, Ohio" is NOT FICTIONAL, it is in fact, very active."
Gotta love the condescending tone of "frivolity" combined with the threat of an unsupportable lawsuit pending from their own misunderstanding of the site. Since when can you sue someone because you misunderstand?
Anyway sent this response:
"I'm perfectly aware the location is not fictional, but I have never stated that any of the cities were fictional,
only the specific locations, events, persons, monsters, demons, angels, evangelists, and politicians were. Is there a
graveyard with a name as generic as "The Lakeside Park Cemetery" or a church with the generic name "Lakeside Catholic Church"?
If so I can change the names to something else."
And that led us to:
"There is NO cemetery in Lakeside, Ohio... Lakeside is a METHODIST campground. There is NO CATHOLIC cemetery at
Lakeside. I would recommend you do some changing...specifically away from Lakeside, Ohio.
Why not Michigan...it has the greatest lake frontage of any state in the U.S.
It is not wise to defame."
Defame? OW! Apparently they have neither a sense of humor nor any rights to free speech in Lakeside Ohio. Notice the all capitals when she
specified that hers was the only religion there. Remind me not to move there. And according to this respone I'm not even CLOSE to what the place is like, so what's the problem anyway?
Thus the following response was sent:
"Ok, so I'm not copying any real places within Lakeside. I see no reason to make a change.
I have used the names of dozens of real cities and towns as locations for the RPG adventure scenarios.
There is a certain ring of realism achieved by setting adventure scenarios in real places.
No one takes a game set in Vas Legas seriously, they take Las Vegas seriously.
If someone get the wrong impression by wandering in blindly through a search engine and
takes it seriously that is their fault, not mine.
There is a large button on every page that takes a person to the main page of the site, I made it large enough to be noticed.
As far as I can see there is no reason to change the location of the adventure scenario."
This followed from Rosemary:
"If it is not a big deal...why all the correspondence?"
At this time I am convinced she simply has nothing else to give her life meaning and needs someone to pick on to make herself feel important. To nip that thought in the bud I sent this response:
"You asked about the page. I replied with my standard notice that you had the wrong impression of the site.
You complained that you didn't like my site, and belittled the subject matter. I replied to clarify.
You complained more and tried to get me to change my page by threatening with unwarrented and unsupportable legal action. I responded with my views.
It only takes a moment or so to reply to e-mails. So don't get a big head and think this make you important to me.
Any further questions or complaints?"
Personally I'd welcome a lawsuit, I could always use the publicity and of course the money I'd get from the countersuit from old Rosemary's attempts to violate my right of freedom of expression. Stay tuned folks I feel a whole slew of adventured based in Lakeside coming up...
October 5th, 1999
From: KWallace@ixl.com
I was born and raised in Morgan City, Louisiana, and never heard such BS!
Where did you get this information?
The same place i get all my FICTIONAL advernture scenarios for the Bureau 13
GAME, my head. Where did you get your education, a box of cracker jacks?
Oh, by the way...
Thanks for visiting The Officail Bureau 13 :Stalking the Night
Fantastic Website. :)
March 26th, 1999
From: Nissas1136@aol.com
This is in relation to your file on this little girl (Rosie O'Hare, a name I made up) ! I don't know how you
got her name, but to put it on the Internet and her home town is a complete
lack of privacy. Some idiot may choose to track her down and do her harm.
Please think about that the next time you choose to put someone's name all
over the Internet.
Oh my god! Don't tell the Brotherhood of Darkness Inc. about this security breach!
Its part of a GAME moron, welcome to my nightmare.
It's idiots like you that people need to fear. By the way, you need to think real hard before you breed, do the world a favor... DON'T!
January 23rd, 1999
From: "thomas coble" smoke_e_187@yahoo.com
your site sucks and all your stories are phoney! (yes thats actually how he spelled phony)
---So, whats it like being a talking monkey? I've never met one before...
January 5th, 1999
From: natpac@mail.alpher.net.au (Unverified)
Can you email me more information on the Blanker Stick, and how I can
purchase one
---Sure thing, mail money order, cashiers check or cash in the amount of $5,000 to me and I'll send you one.
Some assembly required, some parts may or may not be included, device may or may not actually work, you may or may not be an air-breather.
December 9th, 1998
From: "Zachary Self" braxton001@worldnet.att.net
jus wondering-
about the area 51 being a scam. How do we know you are a credible
source? other than that one question i liked your site very much, just
wondering how you know so much about it.
zachself@hotmail.com
---Ok Zach did ya look around the site and maybe the home page?
As for a credible source, heh I'm about as credible a source as a banana.
My site is pure 100% FICTION, its for a Role Playing Game called Bureau 13.
November 4th, 1998
From: "Jon Souders" soud@integrityoline13.com
hey there fella, your story is a load of crap.
first of all there is no cemetery in lakeside and there has never been one
in lakeside. next lakeside is such a very dense comunity and the chance of
any animal larger then a squirl or skunk living there is zero. so i urge
you to take your bullshit story off of the internet
dave
---Hey there dave, I suggest next time you actually LOOK at a website's home
page before showing your ignorance.
The Bureau 13 Website is dedicated to providing FICTIONAL storylines,
characters and equipment for people to use in the Bureau 13 GAME.
Yes it's a load of crap , just like that stuff inside your head.
Get a clue moron.
October 27th, 1998
From: InfynytEve@aol.com
Is all this Bureau 13 true or do you have too much time on your hands?
--- It's all TRUE!
October 25th, 1998
From: Tali328@aol.com
Subject: Vampires
I read the page about the vampire hunters (Van Helsing Society). Well, I am a
vampire hunter, and I was wondering if there was any way that I could contact
any of the members of that group. Please respond, and thank you for your
time. Natalia
---Ok I think I'll let Izzy field that one...
October 24th, 1998
From: ATNATHAN@aol.com
dear sir ,
im am an open young mind on the existence of the Nosferatu. I myself would like to seek them out and am wondering if this article is true and would like some info of suspected places which vampires reside.
Thank You
---Someone's read too many Anne Rice novels...
I wish I had saved all of them, these are just the latest, more to follow as ppl send em in :)
April 6th, 1998
From: "William Quintero" comcom@colomsat.net.co
We are interested on getting more information about the kirlian detector cc
variation, catalog, prices, specifications, etc.
---I'll send you our new 98-99 catalogue as soon as it's printed, only $99, but you get a credit on your first purchase....
Site Admininstrator: William Travis
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